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When Being Assertive Turns into Being Aggressive

One of the most important skills a person can possess is the ability to communicate. Whether it's to a client, co-worker or to the CEO of your company, the ability to communicate clearly, succinctly and with confidence is a trait that separates the leaders from the followers.

The truth is, too often someone thinks that they are being assertive when in fact they are really being aggressive. More likely than not, these styles get mixed up unintentionally. This confusion, however, can lead to undesired results.

The main difference between these two styles is that assertive people are firm, but remain polite about it. Assertive people are open to conflicting opinions. These individuals seek a mutual solution that will meet both sets of needs. They work with people to obtain a common goal, not against them.

Aggressive people will do whatever it takes to meet their needs. They communicate for control and usually end up pushing others away. They have the 'my way or the highway' approach to getting what they want. If you have ever worked with someone like this, their inflexible approach to getting things done usually stirs a lack of respect and cooperation from others.

Another differentiator between these two styles is one's body language. Without saying a word, most people are very receptive to what someone is feeling or thinking by their eyes, their body stance, and the volume of their voice. Ever speak to someone that doesn't look you in the eyes? It's not a very good practice, especially if you want to appear confident and trustworthy.

Assertive behavior is a key ingredient for career success. If you are wondering if you're assertive, ask yourself the following questions. If you answer the majority with a 'yes," you're on the right track.

- Can you say no when you disagree?

- Do you look people in the eyes when you are speaking to them?

- Do you consider other's opinions that differ from your own?

- Is your tone conversational, rather than loud?

- Do you wait until others are done speaking to interrupt?

- Do you have open posture?

- Do you participate in group discussions, rather than try to control them?